In this edition of MLBtoday.net’s Nasty 9 we will take a look at nine mascots.  The first 4 (actually 5 because there was a tie for 3rd place) are the top mascots in the Majors.  #5 is on the verge of becoming great but not quite there and #6-9 are just flat out awful mascots.  Take a look and let us know if your mascot should have made the list!

1. Bernie the Brewer  (Brewers) – Bernie the Brewer is the best mascot in sports, period.  He sports a sick ‘stache and has a kingdom in center field of Miller Park.  Whenever the Brewers hit a homerun Bernie slides down is awesome yellow slide (into what I believe is beer, but in reality is just nothing).  How cool is that?  The Brewers invested so much money for this guy to have the coolest props in the Majors and it has totally paid off.  He is the man.

2. Philly Phanatic (Phillies) – He is regarded by many as the best mascot in all of sports, so I had to put him at #2.  He is BY FAR my least favorite mascot…EVER!  I think he is so obnoxious when he pushes his chest out every 5 seconds.  That just irritates me to no end.  He is a top mascot though, so I don’t want to be too negative.  It’s pretty funny when he messed with the other teams while they are stretching but it’s even funnier when the other teams mess with him and then the Phanatic proceeds to get the other players arressted (to no avail).  i.e. – Mets 3B David Wright.

3 (tie). Mariner Moose (Mariners) – What’s cooler than a moose on inline skates, being dragged by an ATV?  Answer: Nothing.  This was what Mariner Moose was known for until the Mariners moved to an all-natural grass surface but I insist they bring back the skates!

3 (tie). Billy the Marlin (Marlins) – Billy the Marlin is always smiling no matter how many losing seasons the Marlins have had.  He is a  great supporter of the team and just looks cool rockin’ his Marlins jersey and hat.  Also if people get out of hand he can stab them with his long pointy nose.  Not really, but how cool would that be?

See what I mean!?

4. Dinger (Rockies) – Dinger is a purple triceratops who looks awesome!  Really a dinosaur has nothing to do with the Rockies franchise in any way, not even remotely close, but it just works.  Having a dinosaur as your mascot is bad ass and will definitely get you atop of a mascot list anyday.

So jacked

5. Sluggerrr (Royals) – Lions are the king of the jungle, unfortunately the Royals haven’t been on top of any division in years, but once they have that one year when they put it all together they will have an awesome mascot who can just taunt people, because honestly, what would you do if a lion messed with you?  I know my answer.

6. South Paw (White Sox) – No one is really sure WHAT South Paw is but according to this photo he looks like a pile of garbage to me; which is a direct representation of the White Sox organization.  Seriously, there is no way he does anything cool.  I’ve been to Chicago and I didn’t even see him show his face!

7. Screech (Nationals) – The Nationals mascot has to be worn by a midget.  Not that there is anything wrong with that, but Screech’s size is just too small and any mascot would crush Screech just as any team will crush the Nationals at any given time.  Also, Screech has no wings!  He is a friggin eagle!

His neck is exposed!

8. TC Bear (Twins) – TC Bear rides on an ATV.  What mascot playing on turf DOESN’T ride an ATV?  That is all he does, just rides the damn thing around.  What will be his claim to fame be next year at the new grass stadium, Target Field?  TBD.

Mr. Lame

9. Fredbird (Cardinals) – Just about the lamest mascot in baseball.  I can’t even tell the difference between his mouth and face.  He basically brings nothing to the table and is just flat out boring.  At least The Bird (Orioles) looks cool!  Fredbird is just flat out lame.

*All photos from wikipedia.org.